Monthly Archive

I don’t start work for another week so needless to say I’ve had a lot of time on my hands. So…yesterday I drew my tattoo. Like it?

I was watching P.S. I love you again today and there’s a line in there that really hit home for me: It doesn’t matter what job you have or what you do or don’t do. No matter what, without him, you’re alone.  (Him being your significant other) Totally true. I’ve always thought I’d be married by now. I had a plan. I was going to be married at 19 just like my mother, have my first child by the time I was 21, have a home with a man I love so dearly, and live the rest of my days taking care of babies.  Instead I’m 20, not married, not expecting my first child, working at a job I hate, and moving away from everyone I care about. Do I feel alone? Yeah, I do. Having a husband that loves me more than words can say, being the mother to his children, and making a house a home is so incredibly important to me. I’d take that ANY day over achieving a degree, having fancy money filled life, and fabulous career. I’d give that all up in a heartbeat. It’s not what I have in my life it’s who I have in my life. I know I have friends who care about me dearly, and don’t get me wrong I feel the same right back, but I know what it’s like to love someone so much it hurts. No amount of friends can replace that feeling. No amount of friends can make me feel as whole as I do when I know I am loved. I can stand in a crowded room, with family and friends surrounding me, and feel so alone because I know I won’t fall asleep to the rhythmic sound of Mr. Right breathing next to me. I know patience is a virtue but it’s one I’ve never had. I’m tired of waiting for the perfect man. I’ve been waiting since I was 12 and honestly I’m exhausted. The reason I’m not living my dream life isn’t because I don’t know what I want in a man. I know perfectly good and well what I want. I want to be treated like a friggen goddess and not just because he knows I want to be treated that way but because he honestly believes I deserve it. Maybe that’s slightly selfish of me but no one in my life has ever treated me that way and I sure as heck am NOT going to live the rest of my life unappreciated. However, I want him to know I am not perfect. I want him to see me at my worst and love me even more for it. Sure, I get cranky, moody, impossibly difficult, and stubborn. I PMS, throw fits, act childish, snore when I’m sick, drool on my pillow, puke after drinking 1 wine cooler, freak when I get bloody noses, nick myself shaving, wear sweat pants as much as I can get away with, complain about just about everything, get hormonal, crave weird foods, not get out of bed until I have to, hate being told what to do, and more often than not I look out for #1. I’m bossy sometimes, strong willed, and free spirited. I have a dysfunctional, hard to impress, and even harder to please family. I’m not saying I’m easy to love and I don’t come with baggage. Hey, when is love ever easy? But I expect my husband to be man enough to handle me and his loyalty, faithfulness, and love should never, EVER be in question. I’ve always been told I am way too forgiving so being able to love someone for EXACTLY who they are is not a problem for me but it’s hard to find someone who’s willing to do the same.
But anyways, here’s so me at 20 and not even close to being married. Baby, I know you’re out there and I love you already.

Chopping wood with daddy and Ethan!

I had probably the best day ever yesterday….or at least the best day in a long time. I watched P.S. I love you which is hands down the best movie I have ever, ever seen. ” I laughed. I cried. It moved me.” I don’t know what it is about Jerry, the guy that dies, but I’m pretty much in love with him. He’s adorable, funny, great body, and has that perfectly sexy accent. What more could a girl want?

I went bowling last night with five other people that I work with and oh my gosh was it the best time ever. I laughed until my stomach, lungs, and head hurt. Sandy got tipsy on one and a half beers, Kat chugged a pitcher, Joe was an hilarious drunk, Nick wore a tie, and Amanda danced every time she bowled no matter how good or bad she did. I had over four hours of fun for only like six bucks. I think only two of us scored over 100 during our three games. Needless to say, we sucked. But the people bowling next to us kept cheering us on and giving us high-fives even though they were professional bowlers. And when sandy chugged her one cup of beer they were laughing, screaming, and cheering right along with us. Man, it was crazy fun. June 26th at 7pm it’s all going down again. CANNOT wait.

Check out what I am going to watch tonight!!!!

Oh, I cannot wait…

Ahh!!! All my scrapbooking/sewing stuff is in boxes!!!! I am having withdraw symptoms because all my creativity is being caged in. I look at blogs of totally gorgeous things that other people have recently made and it makes me itch for a good afternoon of straight scrapbooking. When I move the first thing I am going to do is scrapbook like a crazy fool until I get my artsy fartsy fix. Check out my favorite layout I’ve ever done: Click Here!

 I was looking through my senior album the other day…This was the first real scrapbook I ever did. Love it! Not too shabby for a first..

Love this picture I took in Oklahoma!!!!

I cannot seem to fall asleep tonigt so I thought I’d steal a bit of time to update. Next week is dead week…I can’t believe it’s almost that time of the semester to take finals. Time just seems to be flying lately. I’ve gotten most of my projects done! Yahoo! I’m so glad it’s almost over….I just need to force myself to get through the next two weeks and it’ll be summer!!!

Anyways…I really need to get some sleep…

I love Taco Bell. Mmm…if ever I am in a bad mood stuff me full of soft taco’s and nachos and you can literally watch my mood dissipate.